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Rolling In The Deep

I usually only find myself on YouTube for recipes (or “the YouTube as I refer to it just to irritate the kids). Even then, I don’t often follow the recipe. But a few months ago, someone shared the video of Adele singing, “Rolling in the Deep” and I simply cannot stop watching – mostly because Emma Thompson, another favorite, is so memorable in her excitement.

A few years ago, Adele hosted an ITV special in England and invited all the important people and, I assume, the general public. We were just coming out of Covid and, if memory serves, Adele felt it was important to gather and celebrate life. There are many memorable. moments, including Emma Thompson re-introducing the singer to a teacher who meant so much to Adele in her youth.

Then comes the song. Here is what struck me about the song – I like the lyrics, I like the tune, but watch the audience. Keep an eye out for Emma Thompson telling everyone to “get up and dance.” Watch the likes of Boy George, Emma Watson, Samuel L. Jackson, and others dancing with pure abandon. There are no cell phones (which were presumably prohibited). There is no one taking video, except the guy creating the video. There is only joy in the moment. Everyone is present. Dancing. Singing. Unadulterated happiness.

We need more of that.

Watch the video and enjoy your week. If you really want to have fun, learn the words and sing the song in front of your kids and their friends.

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Brrr…

The heat was out at the Donovan home for a few days last week. No hot water either. It got a little chilly inside, so everyone donned more socks and sweaters. There was little complaining, which surprised me, because everyone likes to be comfortable. Perhaps the lack of moaning and groaning had something to do with why the heat was off. It turns out, yours truly got distracted by work and home and family and all the little things that fill my mind that I simply forgot to order oil before we ran out. It was a dumb mistake and one that was fairly predictable. I had even left myself notes to order oil the week before. But then one child was home, another needed a doctor, Mom was buried in Knoxville, and I simply got distracted. The oil tank just ran dry. No oil. No heat.

It doesn’t take a genius to draw the parallel to the rest of our lives – spiritually, emotionally, and mentally – and the tank in the basement. The empty tank, it turns out, was only a symptom of a greater problem. It gave me time to reflect whether I am a person of prayer or whether I try to solve everything on my own? Do I share the things I am struggling with or do I wander around in darkness looking for the proverbial light switch? Do I let my own tank run dry instead of filling it with the peace, love, and joy that comes from true friendship and healthy relationships?

The oil guy came as the snow started to fall and no real damage was done. The blankets and quilts were put away for another time when dad messes up and life returned to normal.

Still, the memory of the empty tank haunts me and serves as a gentle kick in the pants that no man is an island. This week, let’s all check the balance in our emotional bank accounts and check in on those around us that might need some support.

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A Year in Review

The family sat down together – which has been much more commonplace in 2020 – and decided to come up with a list of all those things that happened this year that were good, worth celebrating, and worth remembering. On the whole, the year has been spent indoors, detached from family and friends (at least in person) and devoid of vacations and visits from family and friends. We’ve uninvited our beloved Aunt B more than once and pray that Easter 2021 will be the winner. We had a few visits from close friends where we either stood on the lawn six feet apart or in chairs around the bonfire pit.

Still, we came up with this list as we reflect on the year that’s about to close.

Good health

Though we’ve seen close friends and their family members suffer from COVID and even have nieces and nephews fight the virus, our immediate family has been incredibly blessed. It helps that we wear masks, wash our hands, and stay away from large gatherings, but it has been a huge blessing that we have not contracted the disease. Fingers crossed this continues as we wait for the vaccine to make its way down the line.

New neighbors

Just before the pandemic hit, the folks next door moved in with their two young children. Quarantine started almost immediately, but it didn’t stop from us from watching their children enjoy a huge new yard, a new play set, a new puppy, all the while watching our children engage with them through the trees and across the yard. Now, when it snows, they bang on the back door and ask for the big kids to come out and play. Another unexpected blessing from 2020.

Treehouse

In the early winter of 2019, we started building a treehouse. The first real attempt led to six broken bones in my finger, so the project sat there for a bit. But this spring, as quarantine took hold, we did some virtual shopping from Lowes and, once the delivery arrived, we got to work. The children now have an 8×8 treehouse (really a house on stilts) to enjoy. They have screened the windows and I have run electricity to it so when warm weather comes back, I expect them to spend a lot more time outdoors.

Kitchen and mudroom

It only took about 11 weeks (and we still seven tiles and one door short), but the kitchen and mudroom are both amazing. The week before Christmas we enjoyed our first real meal in weeks and quickly fell in love with our gas stove (okay, propane) and our new double oven. The kitchen had not been upgraded, except for some minor paint and counters, since 1955, so it was due. The oldest child commented that she likes that it’s finally a kitchen where we can all gather and still have room to move around. We would approach the project differently next time, but no one is anxious for “next time,” so those ideas will have to wait.

Jobs we love

Maureen and I are blessed with jobs we love. Though friends and colleagues lost their jobs amidst the pandemic, we were busier than ever. Another unexpected blessing was to have to make a shift to interact with our constituencies in new and exciting ways. Working from home while the kids are learning remotely can present some challenges, but we are blessed with Internet that works (most of the time) and enough space for people to spread out.

New schools and new friends

Speaking of schools, three of the children began new schools, met new friends, and struggled through remote learning for the first semester. The school system has been amazing in their regular (sometime overwhelming) communication and we are blessed with good teachers, good administrators, and a school system that genuinely seeks the best for the students. More adjustments will be made in the second half of the school year and it will be some time before we see the real effects of the pandemic in terms of the social, emotional, and academic cost to our young people. We are grateful for jobs we can work remotely so we can be present to our children as they try to get their work done.

Zoom

I really wish I had bought shares of Zoom in January, but it’s on the list anyway – especially as it allows us to connect with friends and families, not to mention dramatically changed the way we work with each other.

Family Time

We have redefined family time. From binge-watching our new favorite shows (The Mentalist, Mandalorian, and Rizolli and Isles) to putting puzzles together and playing Phase 10 or Uno, this year has certainly increased the amount of time we spend together. The days before Christmas were spent cleaning the house, removing all the mess of remodeling, and putting the house back together. The children are old enough now to work mostly independently and it is a process for parents to give away responsibility to the children who will always be infants and toddlers in their mind’s eye.

We hope your 2020 was filled with as many blessings for you as it was for us. While the media will try to convince us that 2020 was horrid and cursed and filled with more negative than positive, we are people of hope, and hope never, ever disappoints.

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A House At Rest?

Today is the feast of St. John of the Cross, which always reminds me of putting our house at rest. To be fair, this place is more a house at dust, disarray, and disillusionment (will we ever be finished…).

The painter comes tomorrow, the backsplash is in, the appliances are slowly making their way from the garage to the kitchen. The bathroom walls are up, the finishing touches are slowly appearing, and soon, very soon, the house can be put back together and be at rest.

In the meantime, I am reminded of John of the Cross:

On a dark night
Kindled in love with yearnings –
Oh, happy chance!
I went forth unobserved,
My house being now at rest. 

Now I know John was speaking metaphorically about the perfection we seek for our souls, but it works for the physical house too, no matter how chaotic it becomes. Reflecting on John’s words led me to a poem by Jessica Powers, a Carmelite nun who wrote well into her eighties and was introduced to me by a bishop-friend. They are both gone now, yet her words continue to inspire.

How does one hush one’s house,
Each proud possessive wall, each sighing rafter,
The rooms made restless with remembered laughter
Or wounding echoes, the permissive doors,
The stairs that vacillate from up to down,
Windows that bring in color and event
From countryside or town,
Oppressive ceilings and complaining floors?

The house must first of all accept the night.
Let it erase the walls and their display,
Impoverish the rooms till they are filled
With humble silences; let clocks be stilled
And all the selfish urgencies of day.

Midnight is not the time to greet a guest,
Caution the doors against both foes and friends
And try to make the windows understand
Their unimportance when the daylight ends
Persuade the stairs to patience, and deny
The passages their aimless to and fro.
Virtue it is that puts a house at rest.
How well repaid that tenant is, how blest
Who, when the call is heard,
Is free to take his kindled heart and go.

As we look to the day when we will welcome the Christ child into our hearts and homes, we also look to the day when this nine-month advent will end, our families will be back together for celebrations, and when Zoom gives way to true communion.

In the meantime, may our houses be at rest – inside and out.

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Ka Ka Occurs

I thought the title for this entry was better than the traditional colloquialism.

For those of you keeping up with the ongoing renovation saga at the Donovan household (blame Covid), here’s an update.

After weeks of silence and wondering when the kitchen might see progress, waiting for the drywaller to finish touch ups, and coming up with great recipes for the grill and slow cooker, we received a call late Wednesday afternoon asking us to confirm installation of the cabinets on Friday.

Surprise!

They said they would arrive at 11 am, so I texted the drywall guy and he agreed to come at 7:30 am to get the final sanding, etc. finished. We would have to forgo painting until the kitchen is finished, which is not ideal, but at this point, it just needs to get finished.

Drywall man didn’t show until 9 am and fifteen minutes behind him, the cabinets guys pulled up. What a circus. These cabinets guys were amazing, but if you got in their way, they just sort of walked through you. With the kids quarantined in their room and every one in a mask, I vacated the kitchen and sought refuge in another part of the house, only to return every fifteen minutes when the guy in charge would yell, “Sir?” and I would come running to answer a question.

Just as I started to think, “It’s all coming together nicely,” the water starts coming out of the hallway ceiling. Then the light switch, then down the wall.

Then one of the children yells from the basement that we’ve got water coming out of the basement ceiling, then another spot in the basement, then down the wall….

Then another shout from another child in another room that the toilet is overflowing.

At this point, I seriously thought about just ducking out the front door, but I didn’t have a dang mask and really didn’t want to wrap boxers around my head just to get out of the house.

We called a plumber and the drywall guy shows up.

He wanted to start opening holes in the ceiling and I quietly wondered if this is some secret plan for job security – open a hole, then close it, then open another. But I digress.

We called a real plumber and he arrive within the hour. By this point, we had turned off all the water to the house and traced the issue to the toilet. Jimmy the plumber puts a snake down and hit something. So Jimmy the plumber put something else down that was attached to a drill and after 32 feet, hit found the issue.

Roots.

Oh, but wait there’s more. When Jimmy the plumber pulls the line out of the toilet, Jimmy’s not that careful and now we have a bathroom – with new tile – covered in that which shall not be named.

We shut the door, opened the window, and poured a drink.

The next day, Jimmy the plumber is back and he’s digging a hole in the ground near the septic tank. Yes, we are on septic. Fourteen grand in property taxes gets you snow removal, but no sewer. Two weeks ago, we spent $5200 to replace the 52 year old tank in the back of the house. By the way, that little project took six tries to get a hole that didn’t hit ledge and now we have a giant pile of mud for a back yard. But Jimmy’s in the front because there is another tank there.

He digs and puts a camera down. Nothing.

He digs some more and puts that snake thing down and finally gets a breakthrough. I honestly don’t know what the solution was and I am not sure I care. For twelve hundred dollars, it’s fixed and now we have a clean out vent in the yard to match the new one in the back. Future snaking can be done outside now.

We are blessed that it’s not our last $1200 and the kitchen cabinets look amazing, so it’s all about perspective.

My wife spent most of Sunday cleaning the bathroom so Christmas is looking pretty good for her. The kids were amazed at how calm their old man remained and I heard one of them say, “When do you think he’ll lose it?”

The drywall guy came later on Saturday and after an hour started to leave. I told him he wasn’t going anywhere until he was finished. He almost cried.

They say it’s easy to be overwhelmed by home renovation projects and I think the overwhelming part is coming soon for me because I just discovered we are out of Jameson.

Stay tuned.

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The Kitchen is Closed

We are in week three of no kitchen. The room that once housed the kitchen is down to studs. The electrician has done what he can. The plumber’s job is mostly finished.

So the room sits empty, waiting for someone to put the skin on the bones. This will be followed by that dusty period of taping and mudding and sanding and more. Then the floors go in.

While all of this happens, the rest of the house looks like a bomb went off, except that in my privileged life I have never really seen what that looks like, so I can only guess. We have gone through a whole tank of propane and all the pellets for the smoker are now gone. Tonight’s dinner sits in the crock pot on the table in the sunroom, teasing all of us with the smell of garlic and onions.

The children are wondering when the house will go back to normal and when the tape and plastic will come down and the dumpster will be out of the driveway. So do the parents.

Still, it has been an adventure. It has been a reminder of how blessed we are to be able to refinance, to stay employed, to afford the first-world luxuries of choosing cabinets and hardware and tile and backsplash – in a country where many cannot do any of those things. It has allowed us to get creative with meals, to eat things we don’t remember buying, and to eat outside around the campfire, or on the floor near the coffee table, or really anywhere you can find a seat.

Maureen and I are trying hard not to let this project become like the story, “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie…” where we find that when one room looks great, another one doesn’t so maybe we should do something there too. That temptation is real, let me tell you.

With the kids home three days a week and in school only two, it can be hard to find a quiet place to do our respective assignments. There is some yelling and some tears, but I stop after a while. (Insert smiley face).

If we were on social media more, you could follow along, but that seems like a poor excuse to join that melee. For now, we will focus on today’s readings from Ephesians: “Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ. Be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us…”

Good advice in times of upheaval and change and dust and renovations.

I suppose it’s good advice for every day.

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The Simple Things

So we are in week six, I think, of the stay at home order. The kids are getting tired of only seeing mom and dad, but we’ve connected with some good friends and family via Zoom and the kids Facetime with their friends, so that has helped.

But we are enjoying the simple things in life.

We got Ace Number One a record player. Only $15 and the crackling sound she craved is here. Of course, the only records I have are some that my older brother gave me from his radio station and a collection of American heritage by Burl Ives. But she loves the sound and the taste of a yesterday she never experienced.

We built a fire pit in the back yard and moved rocks from everywhere to encircle it. There is nothing quite like the taste of hot dogs, marshmallows, and a chilly Connecticut spring night to remind you of the blessings that surround you.

When it rains the school work is finished, we binge watch The Mentalist or Parks and Recs or watch a Star Wars movie again.

We have tried Doubletree Hotel’s chocolate chip cookies. One batch was great. The other batch – no so much – it seems the baker got distracted and forgot a few lines of ingredients. We now know what baking soda, salt, and cinnamon bring to that recipe.

Child number three is busy with his own crafts. He’s made a Darth Vader helmet out of cardboard and more lightsabers that I can count. It’s amazing what a box of 500 hot glue sticks will let you accomplish.

Child number two has discovered sewing and made the cutest stuffed animals for the children who moved in next store.

The youngest has painted, rearranged her room, painted some more, and can be caught practicing head stands and cartwheels anytime she’s outside. Such a spirit of joy in that one.

The experts predict we will be inside for another month. I miss going to the store, but not spending money. I miss going to work and the kids miss being in school. I imagine Maureen misses working uninterrupted in a quiet house.

But if I am being honest, I really, really love having everyone home, being together, and spending time surrounded by those I love the most.

May you find silver linings in the simple things all around you.

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A Very Different Holy Week

It is hard to believe it is Holy Week without little crosses made of palm all over the place. Plus, I kind of miss those strings of palm that come from all the frayed edges. They get all over the car, the floor, and the kid’s rooms. The palms were a bit of a misnomer 2,000 years ago – as people confused the types of kingdom Jesus came to establish, so maybe not having them is a good thing.

Still, it is a whole new world, isn’t it?

We will not watch 12 people from the parish get their feet washed this week. We will wash each other’s feet at home.

We will not stand in line to venerate the cross, trying to kiss it where no one else has kissed it (I cannot be the only one who does that). Instead we will take a cross off the wall, read the Passion, and have our own little service.

There will be no fire on Holy Saturday night and sparse Easter baskets come Sunday morning.

But there is cause for joy. We are spending tons of time together, watching movies, laughing at old Vine videos on YouTube, and building the treehouse.

The walls of the treehouse are complete and the siding starts tomorrow. Fortunately, the supplies were delivered long before the virus took hold and I have even convinced a local roofer to come by as we hide in the house to put the roof on.

We celebrated the 15th birthday of Ace Number One last week and I am grateful to the dozens of you who were a part of it. Tiger came home and she was delighted. If you want to see the video, let me know. I won’t post it here in an attempt to shield her privacy but for those who haven’t seen it, it will bring you to tears. We took portions of many of the letters you wrote and decorated the box. When she got to one that referenced the day he was lost, the look of surprise came over her and she tore through the box.

“He came home,” she muttered.

All of us knew the implications of the reunion. A childhood friend returned, reminding her of simpler times and easier days. He has been hanging out of her pocket since. It will take some time for her to get through all the notes and letters.

This week, we will celebrate another birthday as Maureen follows my footsteps into the next decade. We will delay her annual birthday dinner because of Good Friday but we will celebrate her life just the same.

May this holiest of weeks bring you closer together with your own loved one – even if only virtually.

May the solemnity of Holy Thursday give way to the eerie calm of Good Friday. May you turn off the television and find some solitude to remember the great sacrifice of that day.

May we remember that Jesus’ “yes” to God on the cross created the space where hatred goes to die and, in that act, Jesus literally loved hatred to death.

May we remember that he did it once for all, paying the debt man owed God but could not pay unless God became man. The paradox of salvation that is only possible if we understand that mankind needs redemption and yet cannot achieve it on his own.

As C.S. Lewis says, “Only a bad person needs to repent: only a good person can repent perfectly. The worse you are the more you need it and the less you can do it. The only person who could do it perfectly would be a perfect person – and he would not need it.”

Let us remember that 2,000 years ago, God became man, walked among us, and tried to teach us what being fully human looked like.

As a viral darkness covers the earth, let us look for the light that comes from this simple fact: we know the end of the story.

That’s right. We know how this story ends.

In that, let us find the hope the world so desperately needs.

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Dinner Out

We decided to take the family out to dinner last night. We had roast beef, mashed potatoes, green beans, and rolls. There was coleslaw and apple sauce and beets (though I noticed no one at our table ate the beets). It only took three and a half hours to get there, but the food was great.

It was the annual roast beef dinner at our children’s former school in Maryland and at some point on Saturday, child number two missed the Oblate Sisters who founded the school and who continue to live on the campus and serve the students faithfully. Armed with access to the Internet, she looked online to find out when the dinner was being held. As luck would have it, we had very little planned on Sunday, so into to car we piled and off we went. When we arrived, the children could not wait to get inside. It was as if they just needed to touch base with a place they once called home.

Inside, we were immediately greeted with looks of surprise (“Who drives three hours for dinner?”) and the children, in time, found their friends and listened patiently as adults talked to them and about them. The eldest sister gently chastised child number three for failing to write (which he really should do), everyone commented on how tall the children had gotten (which they have), how must they are missed (not as much as we miss that school), and how much children can change in four years (Amen!).

The food, of course, was delicious but the night was really about reconnecting with the holiness and calm the good sisters bring to any occasion. Their charism is simple: “Live Jesus.” And they do this so well, so kindly, so gently, so effectively. There is a peacefulness about the place we have yet to duplicate. The sisters invite you into their home, share what little they have, pray with you and for you, and challenge you to be better than you were when you arrived.

There is not enough of those challenges in our daily lives these days. There are not enough people who Live Jesuson our networks and in our halls of government. There is not enough authenticity on our airwaves and online. We need more people living Jesus – and, as the sisters would remind us, we need to start with ourselves.

After dinner, we headed home – another three and a half hours up the Jersey Turnpike and across the George Washington Bridge, which in and of itself is a near occasion of sin. Then down the Merritt Parkway, over to 95 and on to exit 25.

The children were tired this morning, but no one complained about going to school. Their stomachs are still satisfied by the full of good food we enjoyed, and their hearts are filled with the joy that only comes from touching base with home.

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A Prayer for the First Week of School

Master and Teacher,

Bless the students who will have trouble settling down this week, whose minds are still at the beach or at grandma’s swimming pool, or the amusement park or soccer camp.

Bless those who sit nervously in class: those who are new in school and those who never read anything over the summer and know a test is coming anyway.

Bless those who will struggle, those who will succeed, and those who get lost in the crowd.

Bless the new friendships that will begin on day one and bless those cherished friendships that will be renewed.

Bless them all with compassion, that they may root for the underdog, celebrate those who accomplish much, and pray fervently for each other.

Bless them with an environment free from bullying, needless competition, and petty jealousy.

Help them, Lord, to fall in love with learning.

Bless the parents of these students, their first teachers in the ways of faith. Give them patience when the homework takes too long, give them the courage to understand that their children are not perfect and give them the courage to discipline with love. May they abdicate less and partner more.

And we beg you, Lord, to bring these children safely home at the end of the day, the week, or the semester. Keep them free from violence – at home and at school – on the bus and on the streets – and guide them home to the waiting arms of those who loved them first.

Finally, Lord, we pray in the thanksgiving for the men and women who have already been hard at work straightening desks, taping names to cubbies, painting lockers, planning classes cleaning rooms, decorating bulletin boards, hanging posters, and studying test scores. Bless these servants with peace, patience, persistence, and your Spirit, that they may be Your presence to our young people, Your hands, and Your voice.

We make this prayer through Christ our Lord: teacher, servant, and source of all hope.

Amen.